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now that the pain has cleared away the fuzz and fury that clouded my thoughts for the last few days i am sad. i was reading a friends posts the night before last to my boyfriend and came across a few that made me start to think about a woman i miss. she was my second mom. for sure, without a doubt. i called her whether she wanted me to or not at least once a week. sometimes more depending on what was going on in my life. when i would visit we had wine, or she had sherry and i had wine. and we talked about the world and me and her and what we wanted and longed for and family and friends...i was there in the room when she passed. i have seen life happen, but that was my first in human death and it was awe inspiring, humbling, it shook my world right down to my bones. it has been a while now and i still can not take her email address out of my contact list. i still say sometimes i need to call her. my mother and i talk of her and my mother wont take her out of her contact list either. i miss her. she was the most cultured soft spoken (unless it was one of her evil children, my siblings) that she had to get after...and even then she was mellow. kind. like i said in yesterdays ridiculous post men should get this. its terrible. the emotions that run around inside of me are WEE TA DID. it doesnt help that my own Mom just turned 61 last Friday, i know, that is not old. well its certainly not going to get her another year closer to the crib damn it. i see how she is and how she has changed and it tears my heart out for the day she is not with me. UGH. dont they made heavy medications for this shit???????????????????